The No-Contact Rule- The Do's and Don't's



So, you have had your heart broken and tried to convince your ex to get back together with you and failed.  Or you have been recently dumped and the continual contact is affecting you.  Realizing that staying in contact will cause you more pain that you can handle, you choose to take the step of implementing the widely known "No- Contact" Principle.

Hopefully this post can clarify what no-contact is, how you can use it for your advantage and what it is not.

What is no Contact?

There are variations on what no-contact means to the individual, but usually it boils down to three situations

1- You tell your ex that you won't be contacting them and that they shouldn't contact you.
2-You don't tell your ex anything, and just drop off the face of the earth
3- You don't tell your ex anything, and you stop contacting.  However, you allow them to contact you and  you reply.  (This is known as No Initial Contact)

In my opinion, the most effective is number 1 and 2.  They do allow you to have the space to heal and you are not messing up anything at that time.  

You might want to tell the ex why you are cutting them out of your life.  This will allow them to gain respect for you as well as keep the lines open for reconciliation in the future.

Why Implement No Contact?

1- You are removing the source of the pain (your ex) from your life.  If they aren't in your life, they cannot hurt you.  No contact allows you to get back on your feet and allow yourself to start feeling confident again.  Remember your life before the ex?  How they were attracted to you then?  Well this can help you get back to that point.

2- If you are  seeking to reconcile in the future, this can be used by you as a way to keep strong.  It will avoid you to stop picking up the phone, texting them and/or sending them that email.   It can also send your ex a wake-up call to show that you can be strong without them and perhaps second-guess their decision to end the relationship.

When should I Implement No Contact?

When you decide, but usually ASAP.  Make sure that you can stay strong and stick to your decision.  If you state that you wish to cease contact with them and keep breaking it, then your ex will see you as weak (which is bad) and will not be to bothered to take you seriously.

Do not expect to use No Contact for a week or even a month and expect for the ex to come running back.  If you use No Contact, then understand you have to be in it for the long haul
What if the ex calls or emails me?

You have two choices.  Respond or don't respond.

If you are looking to reconcile, then having a plan will help you and you do want to see what the ex says when they contact you.  Provided on the right hand side are links in which can help you develop the strategy to get your ex back.   No contact alone will not get your ex back, but it is a way to regain your ability to think for yourself.   

Additional Tips

  • Remove any photos and reminders you have of your ex from your life.  You will not want to get rid of them, but rather put them in a box and put them away.
  • If you are serious about not contacting them at all, then copy your ex's email address and phone numbers on a piece of paper and put them in the same box.  Then delete their information from your phone and email account.  The last thing you want is to drunk-dial your ex or send the email while you are emotional.  


No contact is one of the most asked about methods to help with getting your ex back and it can work if you use it properly.  However, it is not the only way and should be used when you have lost control of your emotions during a break up. 

In the next post, we shall discuss what Limited contact is, and how it can be used effectively to get your ex back.

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