Stop blaming others. It ruins relationships

I have a friend.  Let's call her E.  E is young, smart and full of potential.  However, she lacks one thing that gets to everyone: She blames everyone else around her when bad things happen.

When E broke up with her long term ex, she tried to keep him around.  Then she overanalyzed, nitpicked and found fault in every little thing her ex did.  The sad thing was that she would not take responsibility for the relationship failure.  What was worse is that she believed that the good things in life were owed to her too without effort.  She blamed him for not trying hard enough, not loving her enough and never seeing that she was equally to blame for the demise of the relationship.

E had a chance to reconcile more than once with her ex, but within days they would start with the same pattern all over again.  When he told her that he did not want a relationship with her because of her past actions, she closed down and didn't see the value of the lesson.   He was still in love with her, but didn't want to be with someone who couldn't handle the  equal responsibility. 

Think about E, and yourself.  When you blame others for the things that are happening to you know, you are handing over the responsibility to someone else.  You have lost control.  It doesn't mean you should accept every little thing that happens as your fault.  People have different communication styles, they change and relationships do need fine tuning.  

It really takes two people to argue.  If your partner or ex is upset at something, then allow them to have space and do not attack back because your current needs are not being met.  Speak back, but with love.   It takes two people to have a happy, successful relationship, so unless your partner or ex suddenly had brain surgery or woke up not knowing who you are... then you are both equally responsible for the outcome.

Do not become a victim, or even an E.  Instead of blaming your partner for what's going on in your relationship, perhaps try to focus on the things that you really do appreciate about them.  Look at the good points and how far you have grown since.  

When a person sees the changes in someone, then they are more likely to stop acting so defensively.  In fact, you may see them come back with the loving caring side that you deeply miss, the side that you wanted to see all along.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When the ex is playing you

I’m sure a lot of you have subscribed to many get back your ex blogs and websites, and you probably get the same emails: How to get your ex back in 5 steps What to do when he/she is calling you What happens when they ignore you? And finally… what to do if they are seeing someone else. I actually got an email yesterday from one of the programs talking about what to do when someone plays with you.  It goes like this: “Do you have an ex that is playing games with you?  One that confuses the heck out of you”? Well if they are calling you to talk about nothing, initiates contact but then ignores you and gives you little hints to keep you around… it is not that they are testing you to see how you react. Or that they don’t know what they want. It’s that they are playing with you because they know that you are still around to gain a reaction from . Look, it is immature and selfish, but have you ever done that to someone else? You kept them around to check out the ...
Read more

It's Official, Most Men are Pansies

It's Official, Most Men are Pansies by Charles Tant, Republished with Permission http://www.charlestant.com Hi Everyone,    I may as well tell you up front that this may not seem to have anything to do with marketing...well, not in a way that would be obvious. This may require you to think a little to see the...  Oh nevermind all that. Let's just get into it. If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you don't.   I needed a new propane tank for my flame thrower, so I went to Wal-Mart yesterday to get one. Hey, don't judge. I have a right to own a flame thrower, just like you do. Hmm, should I get a concealed weapons permit for my flame thrower?  Nah, I'll pass.   Anyway, I went in the store, picked out the things I needed and headed to the check out at the lawn and garden department. I'm standing in line when the cashier, a young black girl, saw me. She smiled and said, "Hi!" The way she said it, it was as if she knew me and wa...
Read more

Take a Step Back to Save your Relationship

Never one to not follow my own advice, I realized a missing piece to the actual strategy on how to get your ex back (and that's why you are here) In order to move forward, you need to step back. If your relationship is not working out the way you had planned, or if it had already ended, have heart.  You need to rediscover yourself before recommitting yourself to someone. When break ups happen, there is usually one person who wants to put things back together again.  If the other party is not ready for this, then there is not much you can do about it.  This means Stop calling them, emailing, texting or even working on the friends angle.  It doesn't work.  If your partner or ex wants time apart, do so.  Pushing yourself onto them will drive them further away T rust me, I am following the same rules as you and I have broken them only to have bad results.   But I can tell you this: By stepping back and re-assessing the relationship that once was,...
Read more