I might be older, but I still don't understand relationships

Last week I received a text from my best friend who had just bumped into his ex gf.  While he had  avoided contact with her, she has other ideas in her mind.

It seems like no-contact did not allow her to move on as one would think, but rather meeting my friend sparked a fire within her.   This was her chance!   She hugged him, said that he looked good, and after the meeting she started to text him relentlessly.  She wanted him back, and while he did not want anything to do with her, there was no way she was going to accept the word "no".

I started this blog years ago as as means to share information that I found after dealing with a bad breakup. The funny thing is that I rarely think of that person, and see that relationship as a basis of my own self trying to fit into a very square peg.    The common things that  I found online included no-contact, limited contact, ignoring someone for 6 weeks and then writing a letter.  Reading books about how that person was never into me, or that I was just another chapter in a bad memory.   The funny thing is that relationships aren't defined by books or magazines or theories.  They are based on reality.   Someone will be with another because they choose to.   

Here are the common themes that I have learned from my own experiences since

1) No-contact does not solve anything.     Now I am all about not talking to the person who has dumped you or cheated on you.   If they have cheated, walk away.   However, if you are using no-contact for some ploy to get the ex to notice, you should think twice.    When and if you talk to that person who broke your heart, the old issues will resurface.  They will bring them back up.

2) Compromise is not always a two way street.  Breakups are about someone being selfish and walking away from the situation.   If you find yourself putting in all the effort, speak up.  Do something  about it.  If you are still being walked on, walk away

3)   Ex'es will come and try to ruin your relationship.   If you let them.   If you are letting them, do you really love your new interest?

4)  Getting your ex back will not be step by step as per the e-books.  I know that I have promoted them, but it is a basis to help you only, not the solution.   

5) Love is not fluid, it will hit a lot of rough spots.   You will fight, and even dislike them for a while. You may wonder why you even bother.  Yet you will grow from it and become stronger  Make sure that you are willing to work through them together.

and finally

6) Don't embarrass yourself on social media.  Facebook, Instagram and Tumblur are saturated with angry phrases about ex'es.   Okay, you dislike them... but keep it private.


The world is changing, and unfortunately not everyone values a good relationship until it's too late.   I  may not understand relationships still, but I can honestly say that I am much better off than I was 5 years ago.   Perhaps that is the common resolve after all.

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